I hate him sooo much, it hurts. i feel like a complete fool. My biggest problem is not knowing whether he is a prick cos he's a prick or cos he's an emotionally repressed shit. He keeps reeling me in when i least expect it and then i get burnt, and its all my own fault really cos he makes no promises and i know what he does, just never know when the sting is gonna happen.
I have been able to rid myself of some of the dodgiest idiots in my life and yet i can't end how i feel about this guy.
I wake up thinking about spending time with him, he's in my thoughts randomly throughout my day and i think of him as i'm going to sleep at night. And it feels really nice. Not needy etc, just right.
When something upsets or scares me its him i want to turn to, its him i want to share moments with. I WANT IT TO STOP, icant handle him playing with me like this and i hate my seeming inability to walk completely away.
And the sex...i love the sex, he leaves me feeling like i've just been with angels, absolute heaven, you'd think maybe that is what is holding me there, but three times in as many years aint goona tie me down. there's more to it than that.
I must just be a complete idiot.
Even now i wish that he just wanted me too, as if, how bloody pathetic.